flaming pumpkin
it's Halloween!
jack-o-lanterns carved out of bright orange pumpkins.
lots of candies and chocolate bars, being a nuisance to your neighbours.
adults participating in masquerade, dressed up as vampires, mummy and witches.
the bolder femmes would wear kinky nurse uniform, red-hot tight devil's dress complete with a tail, while hommes would dress like tarzan, complete with that wooden club and animal-print ripped-apart top.
what's the best part?
since it's Halloween, have to cake ur face with layers of cosmetics right?
pounds of foundation, highlight certain features with dark eye-liner, conceal dark rings around ur eyes by dolling up as a vampire which lacked 100 years of sleep. throw in lots of red hues, on your cheeks and lips, purple undertones and blue-ish eye shadow.
therefore, it is fair for me to conclude that ugly people will take advantage of this opportunity to conceal their ugliness with pounds of cosmetics and appear good looking.
by the way, this applies to both males and females.
after all, everyone's supposed to look ghastly, morbid or grotesque. you can't tell who's naturally ghastly and horrifying to look at, or who's actually pretty / handsome to start off with.
i suggest that you don't give yourself a bad scare...
*thinks What Lies Beneath* more specifically, that thick layer of cosmetics.
hence, what you see is not what you see. parallel to : ALL girls appear sexier and prettier when you're drunk. the same kind of illusion takes place during Halloween. go blame it on the moon...
since everyone has to wear a costume in order to gain entry into the club, then...
you will have difficulty telling who has a hot figure and who doesn't.
costumes can be altered, remember? add that push-up bra, and padded butt liner.
eh, so every girl can look damn hot and curvy.
for the men... donned up as vampires, tarzans ( to show off their biceps and 6 piece chest), or those a terrible figure would turn up as Marshmallow Man *thinks monster from Ghost-Busters*.
having said so much, would you still wanna go on a Halloween Party and pick up some 'hot babes and cool studs'? *can someone pass me more Snickers bars please?*
wish list
1 month and 25 days to Christmas.
2 months to MY BIRTHDAY!
2 months and 1 day to a New Year!
i'm counting down. i'm counting down. i'm counting down!!!
the New Year's arrival assumes the greatest significance!!! bids Good-Bye to lousy 2004!
*waves little flags and pops Champagne*
i'm hopefully anticipating a better year ahead! i am positive to make it pleasant! *wags tail*
the advent of 2005 = new experiences awaiting (for the better or worse... more specifically directed at my studies and NUS per se), new people to befriend (bastards / bitches/ jerks / sluts excluded), new places to travel to (hopefully Europe!).
2005 also signifies a new beginning given to fulfil my unfulfilled ambitions, such as:
1) walk on the path He laid down specially for me. being more God-like in my words and deeds.
The Lord is my shepherd. i will not dictate Him to do my will but obediently receive my task.
2) be a more sensitive daughter towards my parents and grandma. chipping in my 2 cents worth of household chores effort.
studying is not an excuse to escape household chore commitment.
2) be a more sensitive, poised and understanding girlfriend. to say things tactfully, at the right place right time. be sensitive towards people around me.
(disclaimer: i'm nice to people who are nice and sweet.. not those irritating fuck-offs)
3) be kinder to myself. not to stress myself excessively, accept my weaknesses and strengths. be a positive and optimistic person. be lively and interested in the happenings of this world.
Life is about relationships. committing to relationships. restoring broken relationships.
what do i want for this festive season?
i need a new updated English dictionary for my studies. Oxford is the best one around.
i like the new season at MNG Wisma. esp the purple satin top with a flower motif! gorgeous!
i like the new season at MNG Wisma. the black top with lace. so sexy!
i don't mind new skincare products from Clinique's. anti-blemish treatment.
i never been to M.O.S event at Expo during New Year Eve.
as much i like not to be tempted by material luxuries coz they are of transitory nature. i have to admit my weaknesses for pretty clothes from MNG, Zara and FCUK, small bags from Levis, Chanel and Louis Vuitton, pointy petite heels, branded cosmetics from Tangs Beauty Hall... i am obssessed with the 2004-2005 edition of Merc Benz S350 or E240!! complete with leather furnishing and cheery-oak interiors!
my dream: to be an air stewardess then progress up the ranks to the Ultimate Tai-Tai.
heh. so buy me something appropriate for my birthday k? *big hint*
Da Paolo
it's been 3 months together with Joshua. time flies without me noticing.
but every moment have been filled with joy, hope, love and warmth.
there were also moments of temporary anger, jealousy, sadness...
but the bliss shared was rather.... permanent.
vacation in Bangkok... staying by the river-side, dinner al fresco under the stars...
vacation in Bintan... Joshua tossing me in the water, piggy-back me around...
take care of me when i hurt myself. hug me when i'm scared.
sleeping beside him was such peace, feeling all safe and secure. knowing that he won't bully me.
going to school together. his Mummy would drive us to school at 8am.
his Mummy is so kind so nice to wake up early and even pick me up to class.
waiting for each other after class. going for lunch together. going home together.
2nd person i see right after i open my eyes is him. 2nd last person i see before i sleep is him.
sometimes i would throw tantrums at him. sometimes, we would unintentionally argue.
sometimes we would be highly affected by other people around us, resulting in unhappiness.
hee... i alwiz want things my way... settling our differences was a test of mutual accomodation.
we had dinner at Da Paolo Ristorante at Club Street tis evening. just wanted to have a good meal.
wow! it was superb! i had mixed green,seared fish, tiramisu and camomile tea.
the salad was very fresh, the fish was mediocre, the tiramisu was divine! yummy!
Joshua had deep fried calamari, steak, tiramisu and coffee.
the fried calamari was kinda overcooked so quite chewy. his steak wrapped in bacon was absolutely fantastic! sweet tender juicy rib eye in w layer of bacon, medium done. wow...
the ambience was refined. the service was personalized. dinner was very enjoyable.
it's been a long time since we enjoyed ourselves together. hugs Joshua.
the downsides were.... having an Indian 'bitchy'-gay / Shim beside our table who was so irritating!
worse than a female.... urgh.... i pity his ang-mo gay partner.
tis bitchy gay kept on picking on his partner, from last night's behaviors, to his dessert, to suspecting his partner's sincerity.... what the F***...?!?! if he's a woman, i'll definitely pinch her nipples so hard that she'll keep quiet and sob thus i can enjoy my dinner in peace.... =P
behind Joshua was a table of 4 Hong-kies... bloody noisy and pushy!
"old colonial elite" attitude towards the waiters.
the typical Cantonese spewing loud crowd.
and i paid $8 for "still water" ie. mineral water form glass bottle. kana cheated!!!
Darling, thank you for everything you've given and done for me. i love you lots!
blogarithm
this is my blog. repeat after me : MY BLOG.
it reflects my current state of mind, my mood, my issues, my events etc.
all about me. my style of prose, my way of expressing my thoughts etc.
and i have every absolute right in writing about who i want to write about!
i have every right to name people i miss or name people whom i haven't seen in ages or label cetain people bitches and bastards. i can also choose not to name certain people at all.
if whatever i write as an entry will be reinterpreted and questioned upon.
then, i might as well write an essay rather than blog...
meaning, if i cannot express myself without being questioned or doubted,
then i should just write a displomatic politically-correct essay.
therefore, who should tell me who am i to mention or what should i be saying?
i am not being individualistic here, nor am i being self-centered or stubborn.
no one need fear for their lives either.
if i have to be tactful and sensitive to those who reads my blog, if i have to cater to their well being,
then i should become a magazine columnist in my own right.
hello world! this is a diary! who ever questions the content of a blog?
many a times, it would serve as an outlet of anger. angst, frustration and confusion rather than anything concrete. thus, don't take it too literally. i suggest you do something better with that time.
this is just an outlet.. it's a onloine diary! need i say more?
if this blog is going to create more animousity within my public relations sphere,
i am just going to shut it down. no more blog. so no one needs to think too much about what i said.
Don just sms me. that's really nice of him. it's been ages since he sms me.
i am quite surprised too... normally, i was the one who sms him, but for work matters. i have not seen him for... nearly 2 years. he's brilliant and extremely hardworking. my idol!
with regards to some events yesterday, i apologize to Joshua that he has to bear the brunt of something he didn't do or (the lack of it).
no more ink
lousy day it's been. don't wanna elaborate more on it.
jus plain tired and pissed.... mutter mutter..... fiddles with stereo set.... plays with pencil...
that's why today's blog is colorless anyway....
maybe it's jus not my day...?
or maybe, i jus miss clubbing at Velvet...?
or maybe it's time i need to vist HMV and get new Acid Jazz CDs?
reminds me of WOMAD 2004. the music by Talvin Singh and Zap-Mama was SO brilliant!
must go again next year!
now i contemplating whether should i buy tickets for Zouk^Out 2004?
04th Dec' 04. Tanjong Beach Sentosa. (i don't know who else going...!)
or should i go for Ministry of Sound's New Year Eve party at Expo?
spend my New Year eve with Michele, Elaine, Choon Peng and Darryl....
dinner then go Esplanade water-front to watch fireworks set across the Sheares Bridge.
that never fails to thrill us! *may our future be as bright and sparkling as the fireworks*
after that.... no clubbing since evrywhere would be crowded. go home with the girls....
slumber party! that's a beautiful way to usher in the new year! *hugs Michele and Elaine*
some thoughts....
today is different from yesterday.
the present is different from the past.
the current is different from the ex.
are you with the right person? have you been lookin in the right direction?
many things have changed. for the better in fact!
alot of things can never be compared coz they are generically different.
different event, different person, different time, different place, different intentions.
but a few things would always remain the same.
that is, you and i. we stay the same. we would always be 'us'. from Day 1 to Day (365 x 70).
we grow up , adapt and undergo changes in small aspects, but we would always remain ourselves.
we stand alone. the world around us is constantly changing. it spins and the sun rises tomorrow.
people around us come and go. cherish them while they're there. don't cry when they're gone.
we will see them again, together in heaven. beloved pets included. all in God's home we rejoice.
but 2 things doesn't change, that is God's love for us. and the faith we have in God's existence.
ikitty
Joshua and i tried to kidnap a stray grey kitty at his void deck yesterday.
it's a very lovely grey kitty! well, not a kitten to be exact but it's a female hence its small size.
very fluffy and clean fur. small cute ears. big enchanting eyes. rather affectionate for a cat.
normally that cat is very affectionate, will come to Joshua and i whenever we call it.
rub against our legs, bury its face in my chest, pounce around happily.
but i think that cats have instinct. they can read your intentions even it doens't show on your face.
meaning, they are very observent and can read thoughts throught changes in brain's emitted wavelengths....
when Joshua and i walked towards it with a box, trying to capture it.
it ran as fast as it could, up the stairs and hid in a corner, far out of my reach.
but we didn't make alot of noise or chased it big time... we played with it as normal, waiting for the right time to capture it. meow...
grey kitty don't want me to adopt it.
grey kitty is a happy stray cat.
but i want that particular grey kitty!!!
iDog
Sunday morning.
i was sleeping in till 12noon.... missed going to Church for noon Mass!!!
so sinful..... but i was tied up with some work the night before till very late. exhausted.
Joshua was so sweet!!!
he went back to school while i was sleeping. helped me borrowed a much-needed Biology text!
then he brought it to my house and left it with Grandma while i was in my room.
it was a reserved text, meaning that he had to return it on Monday morning 9am.
well.... i had no time to read through it really. but i appreciate that gesture lots!
such a sweet surprise! feeling so fortunate and blissful now.... hugs Josh!
the weather these few days been very cold and wet.
i just want to snuggle in bed with Joshua, enjoy a warm shower together in the tub, massage each other with aromatherapeutic oils... off all the lights and lite a few tea candles... savour red wine with dark chocolates and strawberries with freshly whipped cream.... mmmmm...~....
cuddle under the warm blankets... watch Discovery and maybe... 'discover' each other? *naughty*
people have iPod. i have iDog!
counter-yaks
why is it that we need others to constantly remind us what's most important?
it's because they care about our well being and our happiness.
they want us to treasure what we have now, especially people who loves us.
they constantly remind us not to take people and things alike, for granted.
love is something so intangible yet fragile that we cannot take it for granted.
there same goes for trust between people.
why can't i appreciate Joshua more, rather than alwiz have something unhappy to mutter about him?
it's amazing how i could easily proclaim my appreciation for Michele and Elaine.
but when it comes to Joshua, i always have something unhappy to mutter about.
often, i am scolding him, making sarcastic remarks, pushing him away...
it's only in retrospect then i would appreciate him running in the rain to get boxed lunch for me,
buying Hello Kitty early in the morning to cheer me up, or letting me sleep in when i am tired....
all these small gestures of love are not to be overlooked nor ignored!
i cannot expect high standards out of someone else when i cannot even meet up to that measure myself!
Listening says "i value your opinion, i care about our relationship and you matter to me."
the Bible says "a gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire."
in any relationship or interaction, how we say it is as important as what we say.
*cat runs into her basket, too embarassed to write further*
the way of life
life should be lived in the reversed cycle of what we percieve it to be
we should be born old.
when you're old, everyone loves you.
golden age. old man, old wife, one dog.
start work as a boss.
everyone respects you and your decisions.
in your prime, enjoy life.
work smart up the corporate ladder. be a team leader.
but do not forget Love.
love your spouse, commit to a happy marriage and raise healthy children.
when you're young, drive a Mercedes Benz C320.
guilty as charged
to a certain, i'm quite guilty for giving Benny hopes about having a relationship with him.
i was good to him, i went out often with him. we did held hands, hugged and kisses.
in Michele's words " we did everything a couple does".
but, we were never an official couple. maybe then, it semed to him that we would end up together...
i admit that i used to like him, more specifically interested in him.
i thought we could work out too. coz he was indeed a very caring, giving and loving guy.
one of those good catches around who loves you so much and would not hurt you.
he has an interesting job with a decent pay. he knew how to enjoy life.
until he started preaching to me. boring me with his work. and he has a real terrible dress sense.
Joshua was in my social picture all these while, but i never read much into it.
he was just a chill out fren who happens to be an ex TJCian, and lives nearby.
so we could meet for coffee at S11 late at nite before bedtime or watch movie during afternoons.
i wasn't really interested in Joshua though i had a good impression of him.
i never gave much thoughts to it, coz i felt that we won't end up together.
why?
Joshua is good looking and very friendly. he puts everyone at ease, makes people laugh etc.
those very charming Orientation Group Leaders sort. but i felt that it was impossible between us.
coz : 1) he won't fancy me. i'm not pretty. i'm boring.
2) he is probably interested in another girl, whom he keeps harping about.
3) i didn't ask whether he was attached or not.
Joshua was this unattainable guy, those you can only befriend but never possess of his heart.
thus, all these while, i still dated Benny, being all nice and sweet to him, giving him false hopes.
heh *don't blame me k?*
the day Joshua professes his feelings for me was the night before i left for China.
after saying he liked me, i flew to a faraway land. no chance to develop on it.
hence, whatever feelings, trust and hopes we had for each other developed while we were apart.
it was amazing. within my one lonely month in China, we grew much closer than before.
correspondingly, i was sure that Benny was not the right guy at that right time for me.
Never take things for granted.
the trees may sway in your favour, but a sudden change in wind direction may spoil everything.
ups and downs
today was a day filled with ups and downs.
but it all ended nice and well.
feeling all warm and fuzzy now.
that's all that matters.
thank God for blessing me with this gift of joy, endowing me with this source of sweetness.
i will cherish him well and glorify God faithfully.
warm concern. loving hugs. patient waits.
hearing his voice makes me feel safe.
waiting to meet him simply drives me round the bends.
holding his hand makes me feel secure.
seeing him makes me elated.
hugging him makes me feel treasured.
snuggling with him in bed makes me feel peaceful and blissfully contented.
knowing that he loves me is everything that makes up much more than a bad day.
knowing that he is around and near me makes me just wanna prance around silly.
knowing that i love him makes me wanna love him more, hug him tighter.
knowing that i need him makes me wanna be a better girlfriend and put in more efforts.
6 day week
why did God make the week with 7 days?
Sunday is the first day of the week, for us to rest, gather with our fellowship in his Eucharist and rejoice.
but i can't sleep on Sunday nights! think it's one of those Monday blues phobia.
as hard as i try to force myself to doze off, my silly mind doesn't want to rest.
it conjurs weird dreams of monsters, witches and what-nots... highly imaginative me...
i end up dragging myself out of bed at 06 15 hrs for my warm shower in prep for 8am lecture.
the result?
i look like a shagged Panda bear! i am so tired and sleepy right now and it's only 12 noon!
my cognitive responses are severely retarded. just hope i make it through my 1 - 2pm tutorial that's quite important... have one more tutorial from 4 - 6pm. *heave a heavy sigh*
just hope i don't get run down by cars, buses and the exodus of people rushing out of lecture halls!
Joshua!!! you better stop stepping on my slippers too!!!
Joshua loves to stand and walk closely right behind me (for unknown impractical reasons).
thus,he steps on my slipper very often! and i end up falling forward tripping over myself!!!
---look here--- i would really fall flat on my face and break my nose one fine day!!!
staying alive on one shot of Espresso.
thank God for blessing us with coffee trees and excellent roasters like Spinelli's!
2046
what does the number 2046 remind you of?
4 Digit pickings?
for those hopefuls out there, this number is fully sold out for this weekend coz it's so hot. *mutters gibberish as i picture myself stuck in a long lottery queue just to only realizes that the number i wanna buy is sold out* and i doubt would anyone strike this as first prize =/
Hotel room number?
uh.... i saw Lionel De Souza on today's Straits Times. apparently he is Singapore's best P.I. but no, 2046 is not a hotel room out of some infamous adultery scandal involving a local tycoon and his model, aka the third party / slut who intrudes into the "happy family" picture.
2046 is the newest Wong Kar Wai film that took 5 years to finish. superb cinematography, an increased yet non-abusive use of CGIs, a good mix of cast... but that's about it?
there is no storyline! it's just about Tony Leung and the 4 women in his life, whom he somehow or other loses them away, like the passing of the 4 seasons. they either die a terrible death, wait for some lost love or refuse to give up on someone that'll be never belong to them.
it's pretty mundane and dry in the middle... all about him, his bedroom life, his works... nothing too soulful.
and the storyline is flawed. why?
androids being androids, they DO NOT have feelings/emotions/nerve senses.
so, how can androids (a) fall in love (b) have sexual urges and pleasures (c) weep when they are alone since they have no emotions to begin with??? and by the way... androids are computed beings. they are not a life-form. so they are unable to form complex thoughts though they can be prgrammed to anticipate and serve human needs.
in the movie, Tony Leung is a writer. he writes erotic stories. so, the logic here is that writers are poor. look, it's 1960s Hong Kong. therefore, where does he get all his money to stay in a hotel for long term, eat at big chinese restaurants and drink snake broth, enjoy hard loquor every night, take cab everywhere and still have money left to call for prostitutes??? thus it leads me to one conclusion: this writer must be dealing much with the then Hong Kong underworld and triad bosses, selling drugs and weapons. heh heh.
hence, i give this movie only 3 / 5 stars. and only 2 / 5 popcorn factors. rest assured that many of you would fall asleep coz the story pace is slow and its delivery's mundane yet confusing.
no matter how acclaimed a director is, he is able to make you sleep through his lastest movie.
why the change?
Hello readers!
i know i don't have a Fan Club here. but judging from my popularity with lao ah peks and Bangladeshi workers... i don't need a Fan Club anyway, that'll be too much for me to handle. *grin*
who reads my blog anyway? ultimate bore. if you still reading this very sentence this very moment, you're presented with the "I HAVE TOO MUCH TIME" award.
Veen's (Inner Devil) says "But i so wanna have a Fan Club badly! i've got a face and figure that appeals to the Asian continent plus Bollywood! i can sing too but i sound like the Chipmunks...!!! i can dance well too! ok, i can do the FULL set of Mambo moves! does that count??? so why no Fan Club???"
Michele! 2 months more to go! the hottest award of the year as given out by Veen Foundation. congratualations in being in a non-committed relationship with Jon for ONE year!!! *applause*
Prize : one year free supply of Friskies cat food and a velvet cushion!!!
opps, i forgot that Michele is a Cheesecake... and Jon is a Chocolate Fudge cake.
no particular "why" to why Jonathan is a Fudge cake. when you see one, you'll see the other naturally. it just so happens that chocolate fudge cakes are alwiz placed right adjacently to cheesecakes.
don't believe me? go to any 5 star hotel cake-bakery and witness that phenomenon!!!
in case you're wondering why i changed the layout of my blog... well, i wanted to add some fresh bright colors into my ex-grey life. look here! i am NOT a Blueish Grey Kitty!!!
i am determined to make each day that i live a better, more fulfilling day!
1 Corinthians 13:3b
i was reflecting on my teachings of the day, taken off the book "A Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. he is the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, one of America's largest and best-known churches.
my favourite verse is:
" No matter what i say, what i believe, and what i do. i'm bankrupt without love" 1 Corinthians 13:3b
why did Christ heal the 10 lepers?
not because of sympathy but He wanted them to enter a relationship with Him. He wanted to open their eyes to the reality of life with God so that they would desire more of this life and follow him. Jesus heals not only to show how much he loves us but also to invite us into deeper fellowship with him. He wants to make us into his messengers, healed and restored in his image, reflecting his power to everyone around us.
the tunnel of conflict is the passageway to intimacy in any relationship.
frankness is not a license to say anything you want, whatever you want and whenever you want. thoughtless words leaves lasting wounds. i have sinned. God Almighty, please forgive me. may The Lord help me speak with tact. Amen.
M.O.S
nothing exciting happening in my life now.
right now, i just want to do my best for my exams and not think too much about other stuff.
neither do i wanna stress myself out worrying about that honours.
just do conscientious work and i will get somewhere someday. righ?
what's my purpose in life? i don't know. i haven't received my calling. but i would wait for it patiently. it would be delivered in God's time, for it was He who created me. i was created to serve his ministry and bring him glory. in Him i trust my heart and soul, in His love i enjoy a peace of mind, in His light i see joy and life in the smallest of things. thus i shalt not question the purpose of my existence for i do not live for myself alone.
but i'll evaluate the experiences i gained and review whether i have been serving him.meanwhile, enjoy myself, do more activities, travel far and wide. life is indeed short.
Love without reservations and give sincerely while you can.
for interesting updates, catch me after 30 Nov.
but i won't be going anywhere this Dec, probably gonne get a part-time job.
won't be going back to Bangkok too.
Ministry Of Sound's New Year's Eve event at Expo as something exciting!!!
i am so looking forward to it! must grab the tickets!!!
no, i haven't been diving this year. so sorry, no dive sites to update fellow divers on.
no, i haven't been clubbing too. Centro closed down anyway. haha! so did Embargo!
next destination in mind: Europe! 2005 summer!
to those dear friends overseas:
i miss you guys lots! come home soon k? hope i can earn more money, fly over and visit you people! then, u have to show me around. heehee! take good care and do update me frequently! all the best in your studies! enjoy yourselves too!
to Stan:
so have u managed to use your tool and bed-skills on some pretty ang-mos yet? muahahah!
angelic devil
i have came to terms with my 2 personalities rather long time ago.
the sweet naive innocent gullible angel.
and the darker inner devil.
the former brings love and joy to people around me.
she seeks to make others happy, feel loved and warm.
she trust without any reservation. she is awfully honest for her own good.
she gives unselfishly. but ultimately utterly stupid. easily cheated. brains not included.
the latter is very protective.
she is dark and cautious.throws very frank but pessimistic opinions.
she protects her self interest before those of others. highly rational.
decisions she makes are very hurting to those around me in return.
often than not, i am in constant battle with the 2 personas.
having to keep them in control, not let either one override me.
had at different times let a different one be in driver seat, both results were catastrophic.
so i have learnt to listen to them, respect their advice then make my own decisions.
this is Veen speaking.
Veen is tired. Veen wants to sleep but she has work to do!
Should everything else all fail, look at Christ for guidance. Pray without cease.
He will lead you out of everything because he loves you. Let yourself be redeemed.
slumber party
Friday 08/10/04
Joshua was so sweet!!! he bought me a bouquet of sunflowers. very beautiful!!! one stalk of large sunflower wrapped with green leaves and some other little flowers. i liked it alot!!! such a cute surprise. i felt very happy. the flowers made me happy. he made me happy. what we did during the day made me happy.
it was a perfect way to spend a Friday. go to school to get work done. leave sch at 5pm. go for early dinner by the waterfront, enjoy the seabreeze, chill out together without disturbance, catch a movie or something... escape the deafening urban noises, hoards of people and enclosed physical environment.
Joshua, thank you for walking me out of the dark psychological abyss. thank you for bringing me new hopes and giving me a new lease of life. thank you for your attentive concern and loving support. thank you for your sensitivity in caring for my well being. i need you.
sorry for being wilful. sorry for hurting you with disheartening words when i am throwing my tantrums. sorry for being a pessimistic fatalistic wet-blanket. just want to be a good girlfriend but still be 100% myself.
i am who i am.
hate me or love me. but do not attempt to change me.
Saturday 09/10/04
spent my morning rolling in bed. so nice! then met Joshua at TM to buy some groceries. went off to buy minced beef and pasta to cook Spaghetti Bolognese. the girls were coming over for dinner tonite! my 2 angels, Michele and Elaine. so spent my afternoon preparing the pasta sauce. studied a bit only. Joshua was home revising for his maths test and resting after helping me buy a new keyboard. yes, that explains why i am blogging right now. yay! =)
Michele and Elaine came over. then Joshua came over too. dinner was a casual affair. the pasta was alright, no one suffered from food poisoning. neither did anyone complained that it was terrible. ok, even if it really tasted bad, they won't have told me so as not to hurt my feline feelings.
we were watching tv over dinner. some cheap HK tv serial production <>. we all made witty comments, critcally evaluating the actors clothes, character portrayal, relationship illustration etc etc thus distorting the story further towards a ever-more ridiculous version but all the same, a funnier one! could see that Elaine was having a good laugh. hmmm... Michele and Ealine came to a conclusion at the end of the 2 hours... never to watch tv or movie with Joshua and i. heh heh. coz we're noisy and alwiz making some witty remarks. no... no one has ever tried chasing us out of the cinema as yet. i am so proud of myself. *Michele, i know u're still frozen in the horrors of The Japanese Story movie experience but i still wanna watch European films with you!*
ended the night by chatting away in bed... 3 of us like we always did during JC days. slumber party! Elaine once again fought with Michele over pyjamas, pillow, and bed-space. why am i not surprised??? i haven't enjoyed myself in such a long while. hee... lie in bed with my 2 best friends, chat the night away talking about everything especially about our future all the way till 3am. amazing! we once tried chatting all the way till 6am! haha! hmmm... can't believe that 3 years have passed so quickly... and we're still so close! really cherish these close friends of mine alot... been through ups and downs together, had our fair share of joys and depressions, and celebrating every birthday together. a sweet fuzzy warm feeling is welling up in me now. *hug my angels*
wonder how is Priscilla doing... if she is recovering well, if she is doing fine in school... i pray to God that she would be happy and carefree once again, and be loved and cherished by those around her. may God bless and protect this kind sweet little baby-blue Bunny.
We cannot live without a supportive and caring emotional network closely knitted by family ties and sincere friendship. Romantic love is just a bonus but not a need.
Sunday 10/10/04
supposed to meet Cavey and guys for water skiing this weekend but since i have been slacking for the past 5 weekdays, and spent my entire Saturday rather unrpoductively in the academic sense, i can't join them for skiing session today.... kinda sad coz i miss water skiing alot. i love water sports alot especially scuba diving and water skiing. it's the 2 huge loves of my life. but don't wanna talk about it... i don't even have time to go for a good swim this whole semester. i am so disappointed with myself. i admit that i haven't been making time out for swimming and playing sports. i am lazy and ill disciplined. i must start practicing effective time management and actively participate in sports, start living a more fulfilling life.
Life is not all about studying.
Life is not all about spending time watching tv with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
A fulfilling life means to take time out, do activities you enjoy, cultivate your hobbies and do something different every once awhile.
A purpose driven life means to give time to God, learn about God, practice his teachings and help others who are less fortunate. we do not live for ourselves only.
period
was all prepared to go to school happily this morning. nicely bathed and cleansed.
Joshua came over. we ended up rolling in bed for God knows how long... hahaha...
coz by the time we stepped out of the house... it was 12pm! (read: start of Lecture for us).
and we were still where? at Tampines. very good...
his cellphone rang while we were crossing the road. guess what?
last week, Joshua asked his classmates to skip lecture so they could discuss about their SSA project. and whilst everyone was waiting for him to turn up in school, Mr. Brilliant was at his girlfriend's house frolicking in bed. wow. i supposed they must be damn pissed with him... hahah!
i was having bad menstrual cramps the whole afternoon. breezed through lunch at Crystal Jade.
didn't enjoy it the least bit. meow... ... poor Joshua was very worried... i was feeling terrible to make him worried. Panadol Menstrual doens't work effectively. damn slow response. grumbles.
Joshua hurried off to school after sending me home. i went home to sleep after he left.
poor Elaine had to study in school alone coz i was absent. sigh. wish i was there to accomapany her in library. that's what we've always been doing together since JC... to revise our work together in preparation for exams. i hope i would be well next week then can join her for study sessions!
Cheesecake helping me buy a hairclip. so nice! wonder how is she doing. is she very stressed about her exams? is she eating well? is she resting well? is she n Jon getting along fine? hmmm... Cheesecake stuck in NTU... so far from Kitty... meow... purr purr....
i miss my Doggie...
i miss my Hay*Bee...
i miss my Cheesecake...
if Cheesecake knocked into the wall and turned nutty...
wouldn't that make her a Walnut Cheesecake???
Fruity Tutty
went down to Orchard today.
had a late lunch at Baker's Inn Paragon. the ham-cheese-mushroom pizza on soft puff pastry was so good! the crust was freshly baked puff pastry. filled to the edge with ham, bacon and mushroom bits. sprinkled with a generous dose of herbs and olive oil. it really melts in your mouth!
absolutely divine!!!
followed by 2 slices of cakes. one for Joshua, one for me. exquisite.
one was a lovely chocolate mousse cake with sumatran coffee filling.
one was a dark chocolate covered, brandied cherries filled heart-shaped dome.
accompanied with a glass of iced mocha each. another trip up to heaven.
went to have my hair cut. shorten it by a mere 1.5inchs. haha!
Joshua had his hair cut too. shaved of the sides. sloped the back. spiked the top.
now he looks like young cute army boy. heehee!
went window shopping at Tangs Beauty Hall. (favourite toys department 1)
looked at the new range of Clinique's products.
very tempted to get their pore-refining facial mask, anti-bacterial facial soap and bamboo-essence facial toner that helps soften the skin. moreover is non-alcoholic based! but expensive.
cost about $119 altogether... *ouch*
stop-over 2: Zara. (favourite boutique no. 1)
nothing much to buy. only had 2 tops that i fancied.
missed having Jared around. that fashion guru would pick somethign suitable and elegant for me.
stop-over 3: Topshop (favourite boutique during Junior College days...)
ntohign really nice except MOTO jeans and skirts.
the tops are far too retro in design and motifs. made of flammable materials too.
looks kind cheapo too... very "mee-nah" in style. <mee-nah = malay ah-lian>
stop-over 4: FCUK Wisma. (favourite no. 2. courtesy of Jared Tan)
only liked ONE t-shirt. baby turqoise with FCUK logo. sweet and girlish. nice with jeans and heels.
last stop: MNG Wisma. (all time walk-shop favourite. always have something to buy)
wow... many things i like... a black lacy-satin spag straps top $25. a purple satin spag strap top with a huge flower motif $39. a grey-purplish linen long sleeves top $19. a velvet baby turqoise skirt $45. the first 2 tops were so flattering and sexy. a bit shiny but not Over-The-Top. suitable for both clubbing or a dinner function when adorned with accessories, tiny purse bag and strappy heels. the latter outfit was quite flattering too but in a different manner... more so a sexy youthful office-lady look. i like the skirt a lot... but it only goes with a few tops.
but i decided not to buy any of the above items. it would be nice if i get just one out of the four items from MNG as my 20th birthday treat. but i am okay to do without them too. these arematerial wants, not needs. there are pretty luxuries which i cna do without now. moreover, i am not drawing an income. i am also a self-declared bankrupt case. anyway, there'll be even nicer clothes to buy. there'll be a new range of skincare and cosmetics introduced next season.
what i need is love. spiritual love. emotional love. physical love.
God's love. Family's love. Joshua's love. Friendship's love.
what i want to give is love.
give my time to love God. give my time to my family.
give my time to Joshua. give my time to my close friends (Mensa Clique).
it was a thoroughly enjoyable day. i am very happy. i am very contented.
i feel so fortunate. because i have Joshua beside me, loving and protecting me.
time
time is a limited set. we cannot make more time, although we can always make more money.
such irony.
the best present i can give to someone is my time. because it is so precious.
thus, love is translated into the amount of time you willingly give to someone.
